Why Summer is just...I can't even.

So friends, todays rant is one about, well, summer, obviously! I am from Oregon. The general weather in Oregon is rain. Rain all the time. Now it definately gets pretty hot in Oregon in the summer time, like 80s-90s, but California summer is HOT. Like mid to high 90s all the time. and it gets into the 80s in like March and doesn't end until like October. I must also mention that I'm dramatic and a baby. But still. I apologize to anyone who lives in much hotter states, I would die. So here are the reasons I think summer is THE WORST.

1. I HAAAAAATE sweating.

Now I realize sweat is a natural thing and we all do it, but it is nasty. Sweating is up there with burping for me except you can't help burping! My exercise of choice, when I exercise...(rare), is swimming. Yes I grew up loving the water and falling into swim team, but now the reason for which swimming is my preferred is that I don't get hot and I don't turn into a gross, sweaty, mess! No thank you. Also, pretty much all other sports make no sense to me.

2. I work with the elderly.

Older people are wonderful, but their blood flow is not great. Do you know what that means?? It means that even if it is already 86 degrees in their room they will think it's cold and turn the heater on all night so when I get there in the morning it's like walking into a sauna that smells really weird. Put on a sweater. Get a blanket. Or here's an idea, go outside in the 90 degree weather to warm up, but please for pete's sake TURN OFF THE DANG HEATER!!!!

3. The car

There is about a 1-2 minute window between getting in the car and the a/c kicking in where you are extremely certain you are going to die. We can now take a moment of silence for all the people who don't have a/c in their cars and that window is literally the duration of the trip. Hang in there, we believe in you. Okay, silence over. You know it's coming before you get in the car. you stare at it thinking "Okay, just do it. Get in and turn on the car and switch on the air conditioning as fast as humanly possible. You can do this. YOU CAN DO THIS.' So you muster up the courage to open the door, jump in, let out a scream of agony, turn on the car, realize you had the heat on full blast from the morning, quickly switch the a/c on, all the while thinking there is no way in all heck you are making it out of this alive, and then finally you feel it. The cool, cool breeze of air blowing on your face and making all the bad thoughts go away. Finally the "I'm going to die" moment is over, but now you are left being a hot sweaty mess. Please refer to #1. Don't even get me started on leather seats.

4. Summer Clothes. Oh the summer clothes.

This is a big one guys. I can't handle summer clothes. I have problems with seeing other peoples summer clothes and my own summer clothes. Let's start with the random people of society, and of course I'm generalizing here. I know that in this day in age my generation is very much accepting of everyone and we are supporting doing what makes you happy and not worrying about what others thing, but I sometimes...all the time...think that it's almost becoming more about the principle of it and there should be a bit of a limit. Like, I do NOT want to see your back side hanging out of your shorts or that small hand towel you call a skirt. I do NOT want to see anything near your back side...if you know what I mean...I think you do. I don't want to see your boobs hanging out of your shirt or anywhere near falling out. Do what you please in your own home or wherever you feel comfortable, EXCEPT MAYBE IN PUBLIC! I think most maxi dresses are hideous, MOST, not all. Most swim suits would properly fit my pinky finger, and flip flops are just, no. I realize this is a bit controversial, but come on. By the time my kids are old enough to dress themselves, shorts will be the size of underwear and I really would rather not have to deal with that. Now for myself. I'm not skinny by any means. I'm not even average. I am confident enough to feel good in my clothes, when they fit, and when I like them, but summer clothes are extremely unflattering and difficult to wear. Shirts are the worst. I don't think it's pretty for my bra straps to be showing. Wearing a sleeveless blouse leaves you with little choice! You better have a racerback bra and camisole because your straps will show. Wearing a cardigan is out. It's flipping hot! Shorts I'll wear, but it's hard to find cute shorts. Also I hate spending money on sandals. Same price for like a quarter the material and they always seem to fall apart. I just reall hate summer clothes. Aren't pea coats the best??

5. Bugs

Masquitoes are gross. Spiders are gross. Moths are gross. Ants are gross. Flies are gross. Summer is when bugs emerge at far too large a rate. Bugs are gross.

6. Sleeping in the heat doesn't work.

I once read an article about how our bodies naturally try to cool down when we are going to bed, which is why it's so hard to sleep in heat. Don't quote me, but I remember reading something like that. That's about all the actual facts I know about that. I do know that sleeping when it is hot is sooooooooooooooo terrible. You lay there, realize you are too hot, stick one leg out of the covers, lean against a cold wall, open the window, realize it's hotter outside than in, close the window, point a fan directly at your face, resent the fan for blowing warm air at you, eventually fall into a restless, heat induced, half sleep, and awake a gross, sweaty mess.

That's all I can think of for now! I'm sure there's more running around in my brain, but I'm tired and I don't like the number seven so I'm stopping there! I promise my next post will be a smidgen more uplifting!

Happy Summer!!!