You're the One That I Want...

Something that I've been asking myself a lot lately is this, What. Do. I. Want???

All my life I knew I wanted to get married and have kids...but that isn't what life has in store for me and I've quite realized that maybe that isn't the only thing I need to be happy. The only problem of course is that this leaves a giant gaping hole in my life plan and plants some unwelcome anxiety over the productivity of my ovaries by the time I do get around to having kiddos.

Now, that anxiety is a whole separate post so we'll just ignore it, as per usual with our lovely friend, Anxiety. Anyways, I've been relentlessly trying to figure out what I want, not necessarily in lieu of my original plan of being an amazing wife and mother, but in conjunction with it. I know that I was meant to be a mom and a wife, but I have realized recently that I also need something that is my own and separate from that to feel fulfilled. So, as we do on Wonderland Boulevard, I have a list ahead of things that I think I want to do...

1. Travel.

I have never had any overwhelming urge to see the world. I always thought that I would be happy to possibly go to one place like the UK or France for my honeymoon or something, but that was it...not something I was particularly striving for. This changed fairly recently. I have gained this burning desire to run away and see far off places because I'm bored and antsy for change and have realized that maybe what I'm working towards may not be my reality anytime soon. So why not go see pretty gardens in Canada? Or pretend I'm drinking champagne over a piano with Humphrey Bogart in Morocco? Or eat way too much pasta in Italy? And of course say "Bonjour Paris!" with Audrey and Fred in Paris.

**I literally couldn't decide on one gif because this movie is so fantastic haha**

2. Write A LOT

As you all know I'm trying to be a bit better about journal-ing and blogging and so far both are going so well. I absolutely love writing and I think that because I have such a scatterbrain full of excitement and yearning I forget to sit still and do something quiet even if I enjoy it. I love this blog and I love that I have been so committed to it this year. I most certainly want to keep regularly posting.

3. Write a Book.

I've always had a dreamy idea of writing a book, but it was never something I thought I would achieve. Like most things I have a hard time focusing my energy so when I think about writing a book I wonder what in the world I would even write about. Sometimes I think that the endless possibilities can feel more constricting than just a few. But then I remember how exciting the idea of simply writing about whatever I want is. I don't think I'll write a book anytime soon, but I do hope to do so someday.

4. Make Money Doing Something I Love

Lately I've been visualizing my future and seeing myself being somewhat self employed doing something creative. It's something that would feel like a hobby, but help support myself and possible future family, something to get my creative juices flowing, and it's something that would be mostly all my own. It could be selling crafts or quilts or it could be this blog or a book. I don't want to do anything I love just to make money, however. I want to earn money because I'm doing something I love. Fingers crossed, right?

5. Have My Home Reflect My Inner Self

I constantly strive to make my home my own, but I haven't ever lived anywhere and had it feel completely mine. I need twinkle lights and candles everywhere, open space, cozy blankets, organized shoes, the list goes on! I hope one day, even if I'm just renting, I'll have the resources and the ability to create a space that feels the way I see it in my head and heart.

For now I am simply not quite sure what will make me feel fulfilled and happy, but I will strive to figure that out. And hopefully spend some time mulling it over across the sea in France eating copious amounts of bread. Au revoir!

#WhatIWant #Future #onmymind