Wandering Mind and a TV Obsession...

Hey guys! I hope you are all doing well! I am in a funny mood and decided I wanted to write a little, it may be a bit aimless. I just feel like letting my mind wander a bit!

Last night I started watching The End of the F***ing World and ended up watching four episodes. It's a dark comedy with a lot of feeling to it in my opinion. Two quotes stood out to me quite prominently so I thought I would reflect a bit on them here.

1. "That day, I learnt that silence is really loud. Deafening. When you have silence it's hard to keep stuff out. It's all there. And you can't get rid of it."

I literally sat up in my bed when James said this. As I've grown I have realized that I love silence because I'm in it so often...I have no choice, but to let the hard stuff in. I love the silence in all its loud, painful glory. I love the overwhelming feelings I get. I find comfort in my head. It's loud and confusing. I feel always as though I walk around with headphones on and the world around me is almost like a dream. Only every so often can someone slip the headphones off and take me out of my roaming head. Bless those few someone's. It's nice taking off those metaphorical headphones occasionally to breath from the heaviness of my own heart and mind, as much as I love being there in that loud space. What's even better than someone taking you out of your own head, however, is someone who can somehow manage to get in there with you. Someone who can fill that loud space with comfort and safety. Take one half of the headphones to share. It's rare and it's lovely, something and someone you don't want to let go of.

2. "Sometimes everything is suddenly really simple. It's like everything shifts in a moment. And you step out of your body. Out of your life. You step out and you see where you are really clearly and you think...F****. This. Sh**.

This is something that I think a lot of people manage to feel every once in a blue moon. You just get so done. Done with the crappy stuff, done with boredom, done with whatever it is that's weighing you down. You realize you're up to your ears in done, step back, and say "forget this!" Everything seems so small and inconsequential. Your whole life. So small. Like you're separate from it, reading it out of a book, as if it isn't your own story anymore, just one you wish you didn't know so well. And it all looks so plain. Like you're noticing everything without feeling and it would take just a moment to turn around and make everything different. The thing about this feeling, though, is that it is often quick. If you don't act in that moment it will past and turn into a dull anxiety that will tell you things should change, but not urgently enough as in that fleeting moment that you just go on the way things are until the next time that feeling comes around.

Currently I feel very consumed by thought and feeling. Which is honestly how I feel most of the time. It makes me feel dreamy and distant, which can be both good and bad. For now I will impatiently await being cuddled in my cozy bed with a cup of tea, a good TV show, and my cat.

Happy Tuesday folks :)