Spontaneity + Anxiety = No Thank You!

Hello! So today I want to talk about being spontaneous, shopping, and anxiety! Fun haha! So this post may be a little rambly so I can only hope that you’ll hang in there! I am going to start off with a little background…in the form of a small list because, if you cannot already tell, I love a good list!

• I have anxiety. Like ALL THE TIME. It’s a thing.

• I have this illogical feeling that I’m required to be responsible all the time. I’m 21. Do you know what 21 year olds do????? Literally nothing responsible. My maturity level is the equivalent of a 40 year old suburban mother. Which is fine, but also exhausting.

• In my mind, doing something reckless, risky, spontaneous, etc. will cause me to either

Get into big trouble with some unknown being

Get into some sort of terrible life threatening accident, or

Get swallowed by the earth whole, because that makes sense!

• I tend to do the same thing every day with little variation so usually at least once a week I get a huge rush of boredom and almost go insane.

I live about an hour and a half away from Sacramento and about three hours from Ashland. Sacramento has a wonderful mall and Ashland is just wonderful all together! Sacramento is a little closer, but Ashland is definitely worth the drive!

So today I woke up at my normal non workday time, I slowly ate a mid-morning breakfast, watched The Office for a while, realized I desperately wanted to do something more fun than my average day off activities, thought “Hmmmm…Sacramento is only an hour and a half away…” and immediately decided that was a ridiculous thought, texted Victoria who encouraged that thought, got dressed, and then finally (two hours later) decided I would do it. I was going to take a SPONTANEOUS DAY TRIP TO SACRAMENTO! *gasp!* This is the point at which everyone thinks “Really?? You’re making a big deal about a little trip an hour from your house??” Shut up people, I have anxiety!

So I hopped in my car, wearing a really cute outfit, and headed to Sac. Well about twenty minutes in, the anxiety induced voices in my head start whispering…This is a bad idea, your car is going to break down, someone at home is going to have some sort of medical emergency, you probably had work today and just got the days of the week mixed up, you still have time to turn around, etc…Now because I know these are irrational thoughts and it’s just in my head I have to power through to the point at which I’m too far to turn around. Here is the Kayla way of pushing through the anxiety:

• Tell yourself, out loud, everything is fine and you are going to have fun!!!

• Put in your Michael Buble Christmas album

• Dance

• Keep driving!!!

So that’s exactly what I did. And I made it. And after I had a mini panic attack finding parking at the mall, I was able to turn off the car and make my way to Lush.

At this point I was past the anxiety, thank heavens! Now for the fun!!! I love the mall. I love the mall sooooooo much. The mall in my town is literally THE WORST. The nicest store we have is Penny’s. JCPenny’s. What has this world come to??? I can’t go to the flipping mall when I want to! So you can imagine how it must feel to a person who looooooves the mall and only has immediate access to a crap mall when she can walk through a real mall!!

So I shopped. And I shopped and I shopped. And it was wonderful. I went to the Gap, love, and I got myself a plain white ¾ length sleeve t-shirt with zippers on the bottom sides and a pair of grey work pants because all sale items were an extra 40% off. It was meant to be.

I got a “sunrise mug” and polka dot straws from Crate & Barrel because why not?

I got a fizzbanger bath bomb and Miranda soap from Lush, heaven.

A few baby things for Victoria’s soon to arrive baby girl, but she reads this so no pictures here!

And finally, the thing that made the whole trip worth it…THE SACRAMENTO MALL HAS A KATE SPADE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So of course I entered! And it was magical. I don’t care if the sales people are just trying to schmooze me into buying stuff, they are nice. I respond well to nice people. And the people at Kate Spade were just lovely! I got a free postcard just for walking in. Now I had full intentions of buying something even if it was just a rollerball perfume because when you can walk in a Kate Store there is nothing better than walking out with a bag in hand. So I’m perusing the perfumes and phone cases wondering what to get when I decide to just take a little peak at the shoes. Oh, look, Kate Spade Keds on sale! (Turns shoe over to see price) Only $45?! Oh no. This may have to be it…So I asked for a size nine of these extremely well priced, lady bug print, lovelies and what do you know?? ONE SIZE NINE LEFT. Let’s just get right to the point…I bought the suckers. And it was swell.

The drive back always comes with a different kind of anxiety. More of a Murphy’s Law kind of anxiety, like this trip went so well that something terrible is bound to happen on the drive back kind of anxiety. But you are also tired and a little melancholy that the fun is over so it’s sort of a dull, back of the mind anxiety too. To make an already long story a little shorter than it otherwise would be, I made it home safely and with no tickets!

The point I’m trying to get at is that spontaneous adventures are lovely! I don’t condone dangerous activities to get a rush, but take a day trip an hour out of town, have a spa day because you deserve it, go see three movies in a row at the theater, do something you wouldn’t normally do to spice things up! I am so glad that I took my little adventure today, so many lovely things came of it. I got a break from all the normal things I have to worry about, it livened up my normally mundane life, and I got a pair Kate Spade shoes! Lovely things!

Okay, I’m done with my sappy post for today! Hopefully the next one will be a rant, because, let’s face it, I’m pretty awesome at those!